This week we’re talking about the Kabbalistic principles of relationship, and here we’re going to learn a lot of interesting things about how to make your relationships count much more. So let’s begin.

Most people, they believe in God, right? And in Judaism, it’s not really just a belief, we’re meant to know God, because you only need to believe what you don’t have proof about. And we know God to be a fact, and therefore Jewish law actually tells us to know and understand God. Now, in the wisdom of Kabbalah, we can easily prove there is an intelligent order in the world, because it follows the blueprint of the Torah, that’s the whole Kabbalah wisdom that we’ve been talking about in the blog.

Now, the word used for knowing is dat, which is also the sfirat that we know, of the mochin, of the intellect, as we learned in the previous webinars. This means that in order to ultimately understand a thing, it is also to actually have a form of an intimate relationship. In fact, the word dat actually is used for marital relations.

Now, in Hebrew, having an actual experience of that thing is being united with it, just like a man and a woman are united in the act of intimacy. Having said all that, it’s important to then study God’s involvement in the universe in order to know and experience him. We know that God is always adapting his providence to us in real time, and in order to understand and know him, we need to believe and to know for a fact that he exists.

The Tikkun through relationships

It’s a very, very important, very big novelty in Kabbalah, especially from the Razal, that we say that not a single day is like any other day that existed since the beginning of creation. Everything that is happening right now is a completely new creation, created from anew, every single day, and it’s a new tikkun. We’re going to see that soon.

It’s a very simple principle, actually, that many people hold by, that everything that is happening right now in your life is for your very best, and it has incredible, incredible deep purpose and meaning. It’s directly from God. This is brought in many, many different sources, including the Chavot HaLevavot, and so it’s important that we know that the way we deal with others, now going back to our webinar, of course, after that introduction, the way we deal with others is the way that God deals with you, and some call this karma, but in Hebrew, it’s called the middah kenegin middah, meaning a measure for a measure.

I can’t stress this enough because it explains so much of what’s going on in our lives, and in fact, this could be one of the most important and basic principles of all Judaism. Now, dealing with people can be quite a challenge. If you are like me, you’re an introvert, probably, you can see that people can be quite annoying and sometimes even despicable sometimes, and it’s just very difficult to open up to somebody else who you don’t know, and this can be quite difficult.

There’s also something very important to keep in mind, which is that the people we interact with, they are a mirror to us. If we are kind, they’ll be kind, generally. If we are sad, they also act sad, and so this is a very important thing to keep in mind because what we put in our relationships is what we’re going to get back.

This is why also many of the rabbis, they tell us, couples to give to each other freely, to bring as much as they can, to have to sometimes sacrifice themselves for each other. This is a very important thing because you are investing in yourself again. In the wake of all this horrible tragedy that we saw 42 days ago, there was actually this fascinating story by this old lady, right, whose house was raided by the terrorists, Hamas terrorists, the Marshal Imam, and she realized she had no recourse, no nothing to do, she could, to save herself.

So what did she do? She was kind. She just decided to, treat them to cookies and coffee and said, you know what, you guys are probably tired and let me take care of you guys. She was an old lady, what could she do in that? And so she stalled them up to the point that she was being, was able to save herself because they couldn’t, people feel indebted to kindness.

That’s a very important and powerful thing in human relationship, but people don’t like to owe others. And so even if you’re kind, it’s, you’re investing in yourself again. Now, based on all this, we should realize that also that other people are witting or unwitting messengers of God, and they give us valuable hints to guide us in our path.

Often I personally found answers to unrelated problems when dealing with other people. That actually happened quite a lot of times. And this is the way we do it.

This is by linking certain words and numbers that they say to whatever other things that we need. For example, we have a big problem in our head and sometimes the person said, well, I know my uncle tried something that you were saying, it’s completely unrelated and it did not work well. Okay, so he may be a downer and he may be sad, but deep in his words, you might find out that you have the answer to whether you should invest in a business or not, or whether you should pursue a certain course in life or not.

Synchronicity as Hashem’s Providence

And this is called synchronicity. Many people who have their eyes open, they can get these wonderful hints from God. Let’s say you go on the street and you’re talking to somebody and this somebody just talks to his kid.

Oh, don’t be stupid. Don’t do something stupid like that. Yeah, so you have to realize that this message is also for you, even though the fact that you heard it is 100% meant for you also.

The question is, what is the meaning of that? And of course, each person has to do it, but they do it to pray, to find out with God what was meant by that. And this is just one day of understanding a relationship, because when we have this expanded consciousness that, yeah, well, actually, people are here to help me, but they’re actually my mirrors. They help me understand my pathway.

They help me understand what I’m lacking. Then it becomes so much more easier to deal with them. Now, obviously, I guess I should have said this before.

I should have said this before, but never take something personally. It’s not, sometimes a person is just having a bad day. Sometimes they didn’t sleep well.

Sometimes they didn’t eat well. Sometimes they had bad news of a lifetime. And so this could be a very important, it’s crucial that we realize that because people are not machines.

They are not robots. They have their feelings. They have their problems.

We tend to think that only we have our problems. But no, actually, people can be also suffering quite a lot. For starters, it’s important to, I like to say this always, it’s important to breathe very deeply.

Take deep breaths. Don’t take it personally. Don’t get your heart warm there.

Don’t get yourself angry, because it’s easier said than done, obviously. But it has to be said, okay? It has to be said, because people sometimes don’t realize that it is a huge opportunity. Whenever you’re talking to anyone, even your boss, your uncle, your friend, even your enemy, whoever it is, just try to understand, try to see beyond the words.

See beyond what why did this person say that? Why? What is behind these words? Once you, your soul actually knows a lot more than we get ready for. And it’s important that you ask yourself, why is that person saying that? Why did he say that? What did he mean by that? Is there something behind that? This could save us a lot of headaches. If you really, now, if obviously you’re trying to open a new business, let’s say, and you really believe in your idea, and your heart and your mind agrees, agree to that, then this could be a test of your character, which is even better.

You can just brush it off in very often good terms. I want to see why this is important, why this is good, if it’s a test of character. And as I said before, the way to process all this information is by praying to God and asking him to clarify that.

We all have God available to us 24 seven. He’s much closer than some we give credit for. And having said all that, we learned in the previous webinars that we were always receiving Mohin, which is essentially Divine Consciousness.

The secret of Mokhin / divine consciousness

This is what makes life sweet. This is what makes us flow and be smooth and be happy and everything is dandy and we have energy. This is called Mohin.

Mohin means we have a sense of purpose inside of us at any given moment. And this is essentially the meaning of Tikkun. We are repairing our vessels by having this Divine Consciousness.

We’re always getting Divine Consciousness, the Mohin, from the different cycles that we’re going through. This is what Rabbi Shalom Sharbi teaches extensively in his works. Now, we only receive Mohin, obviously, from the level that we can reach, never above.

There’s an order to that. And it’s imperative that we make the necessary vessels. How do you make the vessels? Well, if you don’t, first of all, if you don’t have the vessels, we can try to reach as much as we can, but we are never going to be able to reach the level that we want.

And it’s important that we don’t take a step longer than our legs because then we run the risk of breaking those vessels because we’re trying to bring a much bigger light than the vessels can hold. And this can be, by the way, a lot, very problematic. A person can start fasting and thinking and studying, let’s say, 12 hours per day or 18 hours per day, as many people have tried that, and they just break.

You know, they literally break. When their minds break, it’s a mess. OK, so don’t try that.

Now, whenever we do Tikkun, we’re actually rectifying the fallen vessels that fell from the lower seven Sfirot of the primordial worlds and we bring them to their place. And then we’re bringing down divine light. And so the effort that we put into creating the vessels is what will determine their size and their power.

The more we put effort, the more we get back. Same principle as when we are relating to each other. When we finish one Tikkun, we move to another one.

And this is why it can be so difficult sometimes that people complain, well, my life is not changing anything. There’s nothing going on for me in life. I can’t see anything going on.

No, they are actually going up. And in fact, in Shadda Kavanot, the Gate of Mystical Intentions by Darizal, he teaches us that no prayer is ever the same as the one from the previous day. It’s not even similar to the one in the same day, because we pray three times a day, right? In the morning, in the afternoon and in the evening.

And there will never arise a prayer similar to that prayer from the beginning of creation to that day and from that day until the end of creation. Don’t let that sink in, OK? This is very, very powerful. This is, I mean, the first time I read that, my mind blew, OK? And this, we’re always doing, you know, prayer.

And it should be one and the same. As King David said, I am prayer. He said, I am prayer.

I just, my essence is prayer. And so when people get on our nerves, it is nothing less than a test on whether we desmohin or not. Is this just, we can choose to be angry, to be affected by that, or we can choose to actually go higher.

And we have to remember always that no one can affect our mood without our permission. We control ourselves. We control how we react.

We control how we are going to become. And so having this in mind makes life a lot easier to do for other people. And I know other people can be a challenge, OK? Trust me.

Yeah, it’s not easy. But in any case, we learn, OK? And another piece of advice, which can help us greatly, is that when we are able to accept insults and humiliations with happiness, that’s a huge, an unbelievable part of atonement for our sins and elevation, as Rebbe Nachman of Breslov explains in Likutey Moaran. This is a very, very, very high level to aspire, but it’s reachable.

You can just make an effort to it. And in the end, what’s the worst that can happen? People just say something nasty to us, and OK, nothing happened. OK, we go on with life.

We’re still in one piece. Because the sages say that when this is done in public, a person loses, so to speak, his blood on his face, or he becomes white. That is considered then as if the person died, really, for real.

So if a person suffers a humiliation in public, then he becomes nothing less than the fourth leg of the throne of God. In our Mishnah, in Pirkei Avot, everybody knows that. I mean, most of the people know it’s a very well-known Mishnah.

As Shimon HaSadik says, that the word stands on three things. The word stands on three things, which are the Torah, the Avodah, which is the prayer, and Gimilut Chassidim, which is the acts of loving kindness, of generosity. Now, there’s a problem because how can something stand on three legs? It’s not very firm.

It’s not very balanced, right? So there needs to be a fourth leg. And many commentators say that the Torah is Yaakov Avinum, our forefather, the Avodah, which is the act of prayer, is Yitzchak, and Gimilut Chassidim is Abraham. So the fourth leg of the throne is actually King David, who is the most humble person who ever existed.

And he’s the one, the king of Israel, who was humiliated, beyond our comprehension. But nevertheless, he accepted everything. And so when somebody is able to accept insults from others, especially in public, that is a very, very powerful thing.

And we have tons of stories here in Israel and outside of Israel where people are humiliated and suddenly they are able to perform miracles and bless people and their blessings are 100% true. I can’t really say right now how much this is real, but there was, one soldier who was once humiliated in a certain festival and he was not even religious and he couldn’t care less. But, there was a certain woman who came to him and started berating him.

How could he do something like that? I don’t know what he was about. And he just stood still without replying to her. And, and as people were watching all that, horrified, how could the soldier didn’t do anything? It’s not that he’s just a functioner of the state.

Right. And so another woman saw that and she begged the soldier to bless her with a child because she couldn’t have a child. And the soldier was shocked.

He said, lady, why don’t you? I’m not. I’m not. I don’t believe I know.

And she said, no, I want you to bless me. I want you to be to tell me I’m going to have a kid. And he said, well, what am I supposed to say? OK, fine.

Have a kid. Whatever. I don’t.

I don’t care. And she ended up having a kid. And many other stories.

There was a certain rabbi in a certain setting, certain meeting of rabbis. And, he was supposedly pretty well respected. He was there with his son.

And suddenly came one rabbi who did not like him so much. And he started shaking everybody’s hands. OK, he started shaking.

And then he just suddenly skipped this rabbi’s hand. He just didn’t give the hand and just went as if he wasn’t even there. And so the son was shocked.

He was like, father, I’m going to beat this guy up, beat him up. But I’m going to talk to him and just give him the discipline of lifetime. Because what is this? This is an absurd thing he just did.

You don’t do that even if you’re his enemy. And the father said, no, don’t say anything. I don’t want anything.

But the son said, I am obligated to uphold your honor. I’m obligated to, at least to tell him a piece of my mind. The father said, no, don’t say anything.

I forbid you on the commandment to respect the parents. You are forbidden from saying anything from him. So a few days passed and he got 800,000 shekels.

And that was, basically God pays in ways we don’t understand sometimes. And sometimes in a way we do understand very well. Be that as it may, receiving insults is a very, very powerful thing.

If he can receive insults in public and be happy and just be quiet, this is unbelievably powerful. Now, as I mentioned before, we always receive mochim, which is divine consciousness. And as we receive mochim, we are going from place to place and going up in the order of the spiritual words.

Rabbi Chaim Vital in Shaarei Kedusha teaches us that had we known, would we know, the importance of being humiliated would be rushing to the market, to the marketplace, to find somebody to humiliate us. That’s how powerful it is. That’s how we should actually laugh when people humiliate us.

Because it’s just they’re actually giving us diamonds. And it’s a pity that sometimes we just lose ourselves there. And it’s important to keep in mind that we are constantly on the rise and building our lama bat, the world to come, both Jews and non-Jews as well.

And we are just every single moment that we have in this life is an opportunity to build that. As many people know, we are doing the berur, the sifting of the vessels of this primordial vessel that broke, which are the lower seven sfirot. This is why they are the most difficult ones to rectify.

We suffer. We suffer because why? Because we can’t bring the mochim down to this sfirot inside of us. And when this process is done, then we will live in this world, the lama bat, after Mashiach comes, obviously, that will be beyond anything that we understand.

It will be a completely different category of pleasure, a completely different perception, a completely different new rules that we can’t even imagine. And so I also mentioned previously that being alive is a tremendous act of compassion from God, because souls can take tens or dozens or even hundreds of years to incarnate. So the fact that we are here is something so very, very powerful.

And people are here to help us. That’s what we need to keep in mind. People, other people, no matter what, how we deal with them, no matter our relationship to them, they are all here to help us.

And it’s not just some woo-woo thing, as we just saw. They are unwittingly, or not unwittingly, giving us guidance to reach out to God. And so one of the most important things to realize is to be constantly happy with what we have, because when we’re happy, then people don’t get to us.

It’s very, very difficult for people to get to us, to just break us. And the future redemption is very soon upon us. Hopefully, we are praying for it every day, for Jews and non-Jews as well.

And should bezrat Hashem merit all that.