We always look upwards to the Tzadikim who have already traveled our path and reached further.

While we don’t need to emulate their actions precisely, the Tzadikim serve as powerful sources of inspiration, guidance, and enlightenment for us. They remind us that every aspect of life carries significance, no matter how seemingly small.

These Tzadikim, through their remarkable self-sacrifice, attained extraordinary spiritual heights and maintained a deeply intimate relationship with Hashem.

The sages in Moed Katan 16B pose a fascinating question: If Hashem governs the world, then who governs Hashem? They answer this themselves, revealing that it is the Tzadik, with his deep reverence for God, who has such influence. Hashem may decree, yet the Tzadik has the power to annul it. Conversely, when the Tzadik decrees, Hashem fulfills it.

This illustrates the profound respect and honor the Creator holds for the Tzadikim, valuing their honor even above His own. A person may spend their entire life sinning, living in dishonor, and even openly disrespecting God (though this is certainly not advisable) and may not face immediate punishment in this world.

However, those who disrespect Tzadikim are likely to encounter severe misfortune swiftly.

On one occasion, a fellow resident of Rabbi Ovadia Yosef’s building requested his presence at a routine meeting that all residents were expected to attend. Immersed in his studies, Rabbi Ovadia asked his assistant to excuse his absence. However, the persistent resident eventually persuaded him to join. Rabbi Ovadia spent an entire hour at what he deemed a non-essential meeting. Upon its conclusion, he courteously bid farewell to everyone and departed.

The persistent resident, however, found himself physically unable to leave his seat, his pleas for assistance echoing in vain as his legs refused to cooperate. It was only after the assistant suggested that the resident’s predicament might stem from having disrespected Rabbi Ovadia’s honor, and the resident offered his apologies, that he regained his mobility.

How then do we forge a connection with Tzadikim? The Arizal has detailed several methods, such as visiting their graves, adopting their customs, or engaging with their writings, with the intention of spiritually aligning oneself with the Tzaddik. Celebrating their yahrzeit (anniversary of passing) with a feast is another way to honor their memory, recognizing their departure from this world as a moment of joy, a perspective we’ve discussed in previous writings.

However, what often remains unseen is the formidable array of challenges Tzadikim face on their spiritual journey. To us, their ascent seems seamless, marked by constant progress without falter. Yet, they too encounter their share of trials, notably within the domain of Shalom Bayit (their marital life).

Take, for instance, the Chazon Ish (Rabbi Avraham Yeshaya Karelitz Zt”l), whose marital relationship was notably turbulent. Despite this, he is revered for exemplifying the ideal conduct towards one’s spouse, treating her with utmost respect and patience, and assisting with family responsibilities whenever his studies permitted.

His approach illustrates how facing and overcoming personal challenges can lead to spiritual growth and harmony. None less than the Baal Shem Tov remarked that had his wife been alive when it was his time to die, he’d have ascended to Heaven in a fire chariot like the Eliyahu HaNavi.

The Arizal touched upon the dynamics of spiritual inspiration within marriage, teaching that men receive a more significant share of “Mochin” (insight or consciousness) and are thus responsible for imparting spiritual vitality to their wives.

This concept echoes the sage’s notion that a woman’s “da’at” (wisdom or understanding) is distinct, emphasizing the mutual spiritual enrichment within a marriage. It underlines the importance of a husband’s role in ensuring his wife’s happiness and the overall peace within the home, which in turn invites further blessings and spiritual enrichment into their lives.

The sages emphasize that the well-being of the home largely hinges on the wife’s contentment, underscoring the profound impact of harmony and happiness in fostering a fulfilled household.

Therefore, a wife’s respect for her husband naturally grows when she observes his genuine reverence for the divine. Rashi’s insightful commentary on the verse from Genesis, where Hashem states, “I will make a help against him,” underscores this dynamic beautifully. According to Rashi, if the man proves himself worthy, his wife will be a supportive partner; if not, she will become an adversary.

This principle does not universally apply as there are extraordinary exceptions among Tzadikim, governed by unique Divine Providence which is a topic ripe for deeper exploration in another discussion. However, for the majority, the path to a fulfilling marriage hinges significantly on the husband’s spiritual efforts.

An interesting anecdote worth recalling is when Condoleezza Rice once inquired of a Rabbi, “How do you know when a man is holy?” The Rabbi’s response was profoundly simple: “I ask his wife.” This exchange highlights the idea that the sanctity of a man, his true spiritual stature, can often be discerned through the lens of his marital relationship.

Thus, marriage emerges as the ultimate spiritual battleground, where a man’s righteousness is rigorously tested. Navigating the complexities of this relationship, with its challenges and opportunities for growth, is not just a journey but a testament to one’s spiritual character. Succeeding in marriage is a lifelong endeavor, yet it is this very struggle that delineates the true Tzadik.

Through this lens, the essence of a man’s holiness and his success in spiritual pursuits are intimately connected to the harmony, respect, and love cultivated within the sacred bond of marriage.