Let’s explore a few interesting facts about birthdays

Popular as birthdays may be, the Torah practically ignores them, mentioning them only when Pharaoh celebrates his birthday and reinstates his “minister of wine”. The Mishnah (Avoda Zara 1:3) writes that birthday celebrations were universal among crowned heads, including them in its list of non-Jewish festivals: “These are the festivals of non-Jews. the anniversary of kings’ coronations, the anniversary of [a king’s] birth, and the anniversary of [a king’s] death.”

These birthdays were a great inconvenience as one could not do business with pagans for three days before a pagan festival, since they might utilize the upcoming festival to thank their idols for providing them with a good business deal (ibid 1:1).

Over thousands of years, there is only one record of a Jewish king ever celebrating his birthday. In Antiquities (19:7), Josephus records King Agrippa’s attempt to mark his birthday by freeing a prisoner. Unlike Pharaoh, he failed miserably in the attempt:

“Silas, the general of the king’s horse, who had been faithful to him in all his misfortunes and often undergone the most hazardous dangers for him, thought he might expect a sort of equality with the king on account of their friendship. Accordingly, he took the liberty of speaking to him upon all occasions until he became troublesome to the king, when they were merry together. He was continually harping upon what pains he had taken for him. Silas so thoroughly provoked the king’s anger that he sent him in bonds to prison. When Agrippa was solemnizing his birthday to all his subjects, he sent for Silas to be his guest.

“But as Silas was a very frank man, he said to those that came for him, ‘What honor is this the king invites me to, which I conclude will soon be over? Does he think that I can leave off that liberty of speech, which, I shall use more loudly than before and relate how many labors I have undergone for him, as a reward for which I have borne the hardships of bonds and a dark prison?’

This was the clamor he made, and he ordered the messengers to tell it to the king. So Agrippa saw that Silas was incurable in his folly and left him to lie in prison” (abridged).

The twelfth century sefer Midrash Sechel Tov (ch. 5) writes that birthdays were by no means a prerogative reserved for kings: “Most people love the day when their years are completed, which corresponds to the day one was born, and they rejoice on it and make a banquet.” However, it is unclear whether “most people” includes Jews and the million dollar question remains — does the celebration of birthdays have a Jewish basis?

It is easy to claim the negative.

Otzar Kol Minhagei Yeshurun points out that the only birthday party mentioned in the Torah is that of Pharaoh and nowhere is it described as a Jewish custom. Add to this that the Mishnah in Avoda Zara seems to associate birthdays with paganism and idolatry and that King Agrippa may well have picked up the practice of celebrating birthdays when he was being brought up in Rome, and it is easy to understand Rav Moshe Feinstein’s ruling that even a bas mitzvah is only a seudas reshus (nonobligatory festive meal) (Orach Chaim 1:104).

I’d also add that generally mentioning one’s own age does not bode well, as when Pharaoh asked Yaakov how old he was and, in answering, Yaakov was punished by having his life shortened. Additionally, the mentioning of one’s age is often written in the Torah in conjunction with one’s death.

Yet, the Divrei Torah (Mahadura 1, 88) draws a brilliant distinction between non-Jewish birthdays and Jewish birthdays, claiming that even if birthdays are good for humans, they are not so good for the Jews. He bases this idea on the Gemara (Eruvin 13b) where Beit Shammai and Beit Hillel argued for two-and-a-half years, these saying it is better for man were he not created, and these saying it is better for man if he was created.

In the end they put the matter to a vote and come to the conclusion that is better for man were he not created, and now that he is created he should examine his deeds (and become better). If so, why should a Jew rejoice on his birthday when it would have been better for him to remain with the heavenly hosts above?

Indeed, the Chatam Sofer writes that unlike Pharaoh who celebrated his birthday every year, Avraham Avinu used to make an annual seuda to mark the anniversary of Yitzchok’s bris milah, but made no birthday celebrations.

In keeping with the Chatam Sofer’s opinion, his son, the Ketav Sofer, generally utilized his birthdays as an opportunity for introspection and repentance as the Ketav Sofer’s son, Rav Shlomo Sofer, records in his biography (beg. of Ketav Sefer on the Torah):

“My father had his birthday while he was staying in Budapest and ordered his gabbai to allow no one to visit him the whole day. From his youth onwards he had the custom of completing a Massechta on this day. Everyone who came to see him had to leave without gaining admission. Then, along came a prominent Rabbi who was not only his talmid (student) but also a relative, and asked permission to enter. When he told what his Rabbi had commanded, this seemed strange to him and he went straight in without permission. He was astonished to see his Rabbi in tears. ‘Rabeinu, why are you crying?’ he asked him.

“Replied the Ketav Sofer, ‘Know, my dear talmid, that today is my birthday. I am 54 years old and passing judgment upon myself regarding how I have been occupied all these years and how I have wasted my precious time. I have found that my years have been to no great purpose; I have no Torah and no wisdom and not charity, so why should I not sob over wasting my days, which will never return? Over this I should weep without end!’”

LIFE’S MILESTONES

Although the Gemara does not discuss private birthdays, it does mention the celebration of one milestone, the day a person turns sixty, which is remarkable: “When Rav Yosef became sixty years old he made a Yom Tov for the rabbonan, saying, ‘I have escaped karet’” (Mo’ed Katan 28a); he had escaped the punishment of karet, which cuts a person down before his sixtieth birthday.

Based on this, the Kaf Hachaim ruled that one should recite Shehechayanu, but suggests making it on a fruit. Reaching 60 years old is apparently a big milestone since up until then one could’ve died of Karet.

The Chavot Yair (70) adds yet another important milestone deserving of celebration. Someone who had vowed never to eat except at seudot mitzvah was having a very hard time keeping this restriction and begged the Chavot Yair to provide him with a detailed list of every repast that comes under this category. In the course of the discussion, the Chavot Yair mentioned that people had the custom of making a special feast when they turned seventy although he was doubtful whether this counted as a seudat mitzvah “even if the person who turned seventy blesses Shehecheyanu, which is my opinion,” and to turn it into a seudat mitzvah requires saying a dvar Torah.

Although the Sefer Beit Yisrael (32) adds that one should also make a seudah on the day one turns 80, he notes that most people do not celebrate any of these birthdays at all, and explains, “You can answer that they are worried about the concern of ayin hara… and therefore they conceal their years.”

The Arugat Habosem (215) attacks the idea of celebrating milestones of old age, arguing that celebrating the seventieth birthday is a custom of ignoramuses who follow the statutes of the nations and was unheard of among talmidei chachomim throughout the generations, because Chazal state (Avot):

“Consider three things and you will not come to sin. Know from where you come and where you are going, and before whom you will give reckoning in the future.” If so, bearing in mind how terrified Raban Yochanan ben Zakai was before he passed away, saying that two paths were before him and he did not know on which one he was to go, how can a person who draws near that time at the age of seventy mark the occasion with celebration?”

THE POSITIVE SIDE

In contrast to the opinions mentioned above, there are opinions that every birthday is a time of deep spiritual significance and worthy of celebration, based on the Yerushalmi (Rosh Hashanah 3:8) that records Amalek trying to defeat Klal Yisroel by utilizing the special power of a person’s birthday:

“R. Yehoshua ben Levi said – Amalek was a magician. What did he do? He used to set up [his] people [to do battle] on their birthdays saying, a person does not fall swiftly on his birthday. What did Moshe do? He mixed up the mazolot… ” In other words, every person has a special mazal (spiritual resources) on his birthday that can help him achieve things that would be impossible on a regular day. Amalek tried to defeat Klal Yisrael by using warriors with this special power, and to prevent this from happening Moshe raised his hands heavenwards in prayer and rearranged the mazolot.

Although you could argue that Amalek was utilizing the powers of magic and that has little to do with us, the Chida (Chomat Anach Iyov ch. 3) writes that Amalek’s belief has a firm grounding in Kabbalistic sources. The Ben Ish Chai (parshas Re’eh 17) mentions the custom of celebrating birthdays positively and adds that he did so in his own family, and the Responsa Ginzei Yosef (4) mentions that prominent people were particular to say Shehecheyanu on a new fruit or garment every year on their birthday.

Concluding remarks

But what about the argument mentioned earlier that man would have been better off had he not been created?

To answer that, let’s go back to Pharaoh’s birthday. It is interesting to note that while discussing the etymology of the word huledet, Rashi cites a verse that discusses the birth of Klal Yisrael: For at your birth, on the day you were born, your navel was not cut, you were not washed clean, you were not salted, and you were not swaddled (Yechezkel 16:4).

The Targum there writes that the birthday described in this verse is not the day the Jews left Egypt, as one might suppose, but the time when they were still in slavery. In other words, the birth of Klal Yisrael began not in the light of redemption, but in the darkness of servitude. Perhaps this is why Pharaoh’s birthday is mentioned in the middle of the saga that led to Yaakov and his sons going down to Egypt.

In the same vein, you could argue that the difficulties and trials of life are a darkness that leads to great light, and well worthy of celebration. As Tosfos (Eiruvin 13b) comments on the conclusion that “it were better if a person did not come to the world,” “This is dealing with a regular person. But regarding a tzaddik, happy is he and happy is his generation!” According to this approach, birthdays celebrate not our passive entry into the world, but our ongoing fight to meet life’s challenges.

May we all merit the birthdays to always overcome our challenges in life!